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Dear Spam King

I know that there is a pill

To enhance my size

And make her worship me

In bed, and I know

That I could make $500,000

Working for myself,

And I know that hundreds

Of college girls are

Waiting for me, but listen,

I am happy being poor

And having a small penis.

I want the college girls

To do their homework

And get good jobs.

What I want from you

Is a pill that will make me

Sadder, less vigorous,

Perhaps even poorer,

But more contemplative

And a better poet. Can you

Hook me up with one of those?