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In computer simulated duels

between Harrisburg, PA

and iceberg lettuce,

iceberg lettuce always wins.

Greenland's got its back

much in the same way that you,

larger, colder, have mine

here in a poorer neighborhood

of Greensburg, PA,

where we've lived since

your cat Syphilis died.

In computer simulated duels

between Syphilis

and my uncle's bifocals,

however, the glasses win

every time. Uncle Andrew

himself has their backs,

those thin spines of metal

that go all the way around.

Uncle Andrew skins a musky

as each program quits unexpectedly.