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Cyclists, as a rule, think bikers are cheating,

because they have engines. Pedestrians, in turn,

think cyclists are cheating; they use wheels.

People in wheelchairs think pedestrians

have a leg up, for obvious reasons,

but pedestrians think the same thing

about people in wheelchairs; they use wheels.

What makes people in wheelchairs unique

is that they also think cyclists and bikers

are cheating. Their disdain is uniform.

The wheelchairists' hypocrisy lies,

however, in their use of automobiles.

Everyone uses automobiles except worms.

Worms think they're better than everyone.

Worms think they're more authentic than everyone.

This is why people say worms are self-righteous.

To worms' credit, however, they aren't hypocritical,

except the ones that glide down the sidewalk

on hundreds of tiny legs, blithely ignoring

their wilted, sun-blackened comrades.

Those worms are called millipedes.

Those worms are really bad apples.